Blog Post

The day before first surgery Thursday, October 8, 2020, was the day that rocked my world.  It not only rocked my physical world, but also my spiritual world.  It made me ask myself if I really believed what I shared so often with other people about my God.  Michael’s first surgery to remove the mass in his brain was performed on October 6th. Because of Covid restrictions, Michael was only able to have one parent stay with him at the hospital the night before the surgery, but we could both be there during the surgery.  I remember driving out to the hospital crying and praying to the Lord, asking him what would happen to my baby?  Would Michael get through this? I was begging God to be with the surgeons and to give Michael peace and strength.   When I arrived at the hospital, I parked my car in the underground parking garage of Children’s Hospital, a place that is so busy with activity but feels so lonely. As the grayness of the garage surrounded me, I opened the app for one of the daily devotionals that I would read regularly, The Daily Bread.  The devotional on this particular day was entitled “You’ll See Her Again”.  As I read about a lady who lost her very good friend to cancer, I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. I absorbed the words that were expressed by this woman who painfully remembered her friend who was once a vibrant and energetic person but had now become so weak and quiet. A subtle fear gradually started to invade my heart as I continued to read about her pain from the loss of her friend, but then was filled with comfort by the truth that she would see her friend again.  She was reminded that death is only temporary for believers and that we will reunite in heaven.  I began to weep and asked God if I was being prepared to lose my son?  I didn’t get an answer but I did get an urging to just hope.   Michael was taken into surgery and we were given a number and instructed that the number would pop up on the monitor to tell us how surgery was progressing and when the surgery was done.  Once we were settled into a place in the waiting room, my husband, Mike, left to grab some breakfast.  He was only gone for about 20 minutes.  Just a few short moments after he returned, we looked up at the monitor, looked for the number we were given and it read, “IN RECOVERY”.  “Mike”, I said, “Look at the monitor.  It says he’s in recovery already.”  It had only been a half hour and the surgery was supposed to be about 5 hours long.  We started to guess at why this was posted.  “Could they have opened him up and there was nothing there?” I wondered.  “Maybe they opened him up and saw that it was so bad, there was nothing they could do so they just closed him up?” I feared.    We went to the desk and asked about the message.  They said it was coming up on their monitor as “In Surgery”.  Seeing the distress on my face, the attendant called the operating room and received the report that surgery was still going on and Michael was doing fantastic. They double checked the monitor in the operating room which also read, “In Surgery”.  The attendant could not change it and could not explain why it read differently on the outside monitor.  Mike and I sat down and continued to speculate on why the monitor read, “In Recovery”.   I wondered out loud, “Could God be sending us a message telling us that he was going to be ok?  That he would recover from this?”.  “Maybe God is telling us that he’s already healed,” I continued to guess as I tried to make sense of what I was reading. Then, Mike made the statement, “Maybe God is telling us that he is in spiritual recovery, that he’ll be ok spiritually.”    Looking back, that was the statement of truth that the Lord put on Mike’s heart.   After the surgery, tissue samples were sent out to pathology and we were told that it may take some time to get the results.  In just a few days we had initial results.  It was now October 8th, the day my world shattered into a million pieces. Michael’s healing had been going very well and we were so happy for him.  In fact, they were planning on releasing him the next day, only 3 days after major brain surgery!  I drove to the hospital that morning and was not sure what to prepare for.  I was hoping that it would be great news, that the tumor was benign and the nightmare was over. This was not the case. In fact, it was quite the opposite.   We received the news that he had a glioblastoma grade 4.  I honestly didn’t know what that meant, but it did not sound good at all.  I purposely chose not to google it because this was Michael’s journey and I did not want to expect anything based on the stories or statistics of other people. Instead, I just wanted to lean into the hope and comfort that the Lord gives us when we seek it.  I did however ask what the prognosis was.  The response from the doctor is a little blurred to me, but what I think I remember was that only 20 percent of kids would live past 2 years.  To me that was 20 percent of hope.  More tests had to be done and we would later receive more news that was not encouraging; however, that initial result was the big punch in the gut for us.  I was numb; I was sad; I was scared, but I was hopeful because I know a God who can do big things.  For many years I have listened and counseled and encouraged

On October 1, 2020 my life was shattered.  In the same hospital where my first child was born and brought back to life after an emergency C-section, I learned that my youngest child had a mass in his brain that would eventually take his physical life. This brought me to my knees before the Lord and I started to question everything about Him but more importantly, I began to question everything about myself.  Many would assume that a horrible thing like this would bring me to a place of anger and resentment towards God, but by examining my own heart I was brought to a place of submission, worship and gratitude.  During difficult situations I would converse with the Lord and he would give me amazing insight that encouraged me and I would feel an urging to write it down.  Embarrassed about my lack of skill in that area, I would scoff at myself and say, “that’s dumb”.  Often, after sharing my experiences with others, they would end our conversations by saying, you need to write a book!   I would laugh it off and tell them that in no way am I a writer.  After some pretty consistent urging that I believe were from the Lord and continued encouragement from friends to “write a book”, I decided to start writing stuff down.  Every time something happened of consequence where the Lord gave me some sort of insight, I would quickly jot it down.  I know that I am not author material but I have made some pretty long Facebook post so I thought that maybe I could just start a blog that would share our journey and the many spiritual lessons we learned as we weathered the storm of battling brain cancer.   I know that Michael’s battle was for a reason.  I know that it was allowed to glorify our Lord and encourage others to battle well.  I have learned to battle well and it’s my heart’s desire that as I share the things that the Lord has shown me, He will also guide you on how to battle well. He’s doesn’t promise that our life would be worry free or trial free but He does promise us that He will be there to help us through and I know that this is a promise he keeps!  So, I would like to kick-off this blog with my first post sharing about why I decided on the title, “Bring Out Your Champion”.  This is a phrase I would tell Michael many times as he battled through his disease.  It is also a phrase I would tell myself as I wrestled with the trials that come with watching someone you love battle through a difficult situation.  If it was a rough day or if we got news that wasn’t very exciting, I’d say, “Michael, bring out your Champion”.  When I would send him off for brain surgery or get the news that wasn’t what we had hoped for, I would just whisper myself, “bring out your Champion”.  It would remind both Michael and myself that we have a Champion inside us that has already won the battle, no matter what happens on this earth, we are already a victor because of our salvation in Jesus Christ.  This phrase came from the story of David and Goliath.  Although I am sure you know the story already, I’ll give you a quick reminder.  Goliath belonged to a people who waged war against God’s people.  He was a huge man, probably about 9 feet tall and wore some pretty impressive armor.  He was what they called, a Champion.  A champion, in biblical terms, meant the man of the space in between.  It was one man who served as the substitute on behalf of the people. He would be the one that would go out to the middle space, or the battle field, and fight the battle and either win or lose for the entire group of people.  On the other side, you had David.  He was a young teen, probably very thin and lanky, not old enough or big enough to be in the Israelite army and definitely not big enough to wear armor, but he found himself around the army and the action.  Each day Goliath would stand on his hill, yell insults across the valley to God’s people and call out for the Israelites to send out their man.  Basically, Goliath was calling on them to bring out their champion.  Out of fear, no one would go. Until David, this young boy who loved God with all his heart heard him and was so insulted that he was willing to stand up against the huge Goliath.  He was willing to be the champion to honor God’s name.  He didn’t go wearing armor or wielding a sword.   Instead, he went with what he knew, a slingshot and a few stones.  As David approached Goliath David shouted, “You come against me with sword and spear and javelin, but I come against you in the name of the Lord Almighty,”.  David’s deep faith and understanding of who God was and the power He holds stripped him of any fear he may have had facing this giant. This phrase came to have a few meanings. As Michael and I would discuss the lessons we learned from David and his unyielding faith in our Lord.  I would often call on Michael to bring out HIS Champion.  First of all, our true Champion is Jesus Christ.  He is the one who went to the battle field for us.  He fought for us and took on the war against sin for us.  So, at times, when I would encourage Michael to “Bring out his Champion” it was to encourage him to call on Jesus, the one who not only fights our battles but wins them!  Secondly, because we have Christ in us, we have a champion within ourselves.  When we bring out our Champion, we are calling on the power that the